A conference devil’s in the dictionary

Veteran Conference speaker Derek Long, has drafted “another page from the housing textbook for the University of Life” to help you get through your next conference. “Whether you’ve been caught resting your eyes just too long in the morning plenary or returning from an important break out session in a nearby pub, these are the topics to distract your boss with,” he says.

SAP RATING:
The degree to which you believe the government will honour commitments on renewables funding

BENEFIT CAP:
A poorly designed item whose headroom shrinks over time

HANDCART:
The vehicle that social housing is currently travelling in

HARROGATE:
What older housing professionals call Manchester

EFFICIENCY SAVINGS:
Cuts

CUTS:
An ill-considered reduction in your budget

SAVINGS:
The judicious reallocation of your colleagues’ under-used resources

THE PUBLIC SECTOR:
Whatever the prime minister says it is today

COUNCIL HOUSING:
What housing associations hope the TV reporter calls their stock after a gas explosion

ALMO
A trial separation (see also The Crimea)

AWAYDAY:
An event with an overnight stay in an expensive hotel so the chief executive can get to grips with … a colleague. (Derived from the original phrase Have it Awayday)
NB Awaydays often result in ALMOs

NOVATE:
To downgrade the chief executive’s lease car deal from a Jaguar to a Vauxhall

RENOVATE:
To replace the chief executive’s lease car with a bicycle allowance

PEAK DEBT:
A statement incomprehensible to modern students

STAKEHOLDERS:
Colleagues who are always ready to hammer their points home (See Dr Van Helsing)

BOILER REPLACEMENT PROGRAMME:
A male chauvinist chief executive’s solution to his mid-life crisis
NB Boiler replacement always results in an ALMO

CONVEYANCING:
The act of transfering a valuable commodity – i.e. money – to your solicitors

VALUE FOR MONEY CONSULTANT:
A person who borrows your watch to tell you the time … and then recommends you buy a new watch, but more cheaply.

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